Originally posted as a Booklet from SANDS (Stillbirth & Neonatal Death Charity).
Download the booklet here:
Or click the image below to read it here:
Deciding whether or not to try for another baby after a late miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death may not be easy. The decision may depend on many things, such as the mother’s health, her age, the couple’s relationship, and how each of them is feeling. Parents who have had IVF may need to decide whether they have the emotional and financial reserves to go through the process again.
If another pregnancy is an option for you, we hope that you will find the information in this booklet helpful, and that it will prepare you for some of the feelings and experiences you may have before and during pregnancy and when your baby is born.
How soon to try?
You and your partner may feel differently about trying again. Research
has found, for example, that while fathers tended to want to start
another pregnancy fairly soon, mothers often wanted to wait longer –
until they felt physically and emotionally ready. However, sometimes
it’s the mother who very much wants to get pregnant again and the
father who wants to wait a while.
“I wanted to try again from day one. I just wanted to be pregnant again.
It was all I could think about.” Mum
Some couples find that the death of their baby has affected their
relationship and it’s hard for them to feel close enough to have sex.
It may be helpful to read Sexual relationships after the death of a baby.
There is no clear-cut evidence about the best time to try for another
baby. If you are not already pregnant, you may want to consider trying
to plan the pregnancy so that the birth does not coincide with the
date your baby died. It’s easier to celebrate a new baby’s birth, and
his or her birthdays in the years to come, if these don’t clash with the
anniversary of a baby’s death. Some people also think that it is better
if parents allow themselves more time to grieve for the baby who has
died before starting another pregnancy.
“At first, I couldn’t think of having another baby. It wasn’t till I was back
at work and had done a lot of grieving that I started to feel emotionally
ready. We didn’t really try for a baby, getting pregnant wasn’t my main
focus. We just thought if it happens, it happens.” Mum